Defenition of Sucky (repost from long ago)

I put this up as something funny on a friends blog a long while ago. I decided to repost it. It comes in parts, This is part 1, so read this first.


***definition of sucky***
Um.... My sixth character died in gaming last night. I suck! You knowwhat? my gaming has been flawless really I am just jinxed by ladyluck. It also wouldn't help that my gm is the god of anti-fun
.1st char- Divinus Magus (mage duh) your basic wizard non specialist. Icouldn't make it to gaming one week and they put me into the back ofthe party and I was torn in half by two sphinxes. wtf!
2nd char- Aristos (sorcerer) decided that it would be neat to play asorcerer. Though I didn't get to play one very long. We went down intoa cave where we were attacked by vampires. Now, I was far away fromthe combat getting some spells ready when the vampire shot a lightningbolt though the entire party. Being a sorcerer with low hp and thefact that I suck, (suckyness gives a modifier of -5 to dice rolls) Iwas fried instantly along with all the stuff I was carrying.
3rd char- Crassius (half dragon fighter) This was my uber character.For the first time ever I had rolled an 18 in a stat roll which Iimmediatly applied to my strength. The half dragon template rocked. Ifigured I could take the 2 level penalty and go with something thatcould have whooped everyone in the party put together. However, the dm(Mr. crappy pants) decided that it was to powerful of a char, so helessened the effect of my breath weapon attack, decided that Icouldn't fly, and gave me a 3 level penalty instead. There were nowords for what I wanted to do at that point. Even so, the characterbeing a straight fighter would make it a bit better to play so I wentalong with it. So I was rockin along whoopin some ass. nothing couldstand up to my char. He could do anything, well except fly and do anacceptable breath attack. So a couple of weeks later we entered thistomb of some undead giant thingy. The stupid dwarf (played by theperson who actually informed the gm that my char might have been alittle to powerful hence involking the gm's wrath) charged at the twocorpses at the giants feet (since the giant could raise dead) He wasgoing to bring them back out of the range of the giant. Well doesn'tthe monk from our party tumble in, take the bodies, and tumble outleaving the dwarf completly useless and vulnerable. So being thecourageous person that I am (thank you) rushed in to try to save thestupid critter but I had to run around a whole bunch of stuff so Iwasn't anywhere near the dwarf, the giant, or anywhere relevent. Thenext turn was the giants, and what does it do? Logically attack thedwarf which is its most apparent threat and easiest to attack? No! Itmoves around him (wtf) and just touches me btw my touch AC is 20 (dex+ natural armor, Huzza!) Brand, the Gm, rolled a natural 20 (easy whenyou have weighted dice) and I (without being given any kind of savingthrough) became soul sucked into the stupid undead giants hand.Unrezable and unrecoverable because they couldn't figure out a way todo it. (i'm miffed with this one)
4th char- (forgot his name, you'll see why) I decided to play a thief.He was pretty good, not too bad stats. He was part of the thievesguild could bluff his way out of hell if he wanted to. He got anamazing introduction to the groop too. Something my other charactershad been lacking. they pretty much just showed up. He was releasedfrom prison on the virge of execution into the supervision of theparty because the party needed someone to do sneeky, searchy, and trapdissarmy stuff. So...The first session of gaming I'm playing him we godown into this dungeon and get finds a trap. he attempts to dissabledevice, fails, rolls a reflex save for the dart flying towards him,fails, rolls a fortitude save to resist the poison, fails by 1 point(the dc was 30 btw) and dies instantly. I now hold the record for theleast amount of gaming time on a character.
5th char- Glim Underbough (thief again) I figured that I hadn't hadenough time as a thief to actually have experienced being a thief. Iknew perfectly well how to die as a thief. Had that one covered. So Imade up as close to the last char as possible but I took the featstrong soul which gives +2 to all saving throws. I figured I neededit. This char turned out to be amazing given the brevity of his life.He managed to steal pipe weed from Elminster himself! FreekingElminster! He found out about it later and showed up and generouslyallowed me to live if I gave his stuff back which I did. (he's abloody addict I tell you!) Anyway. We kill a whole bunch of stuff. Idon't think the party truly appreciated him untill he got (using rapidreload) 3 sneak attack shots on a hard core drow chick with my +1shocking light crossbow. Each one was a critical hit! not to mentionthe sneak attack bonus hahahahahahaha! (<----maniacle laughter) wastedher good. but later on in the campain we were attacked by more drowand I was wounded pretty bad so I decided that I would retreat wisely,because afterall I didn't want to die again. So I ran into one of thetombs that we had already cleared out that was safe and I hid. Rolleda 10 but I had a bonus of +28 because of ranks/stat/cloak of elvenkind. I figured I was pretty safe. The critter decided to ignore theother 6 chars attacking it and pursued me into the cript somehowmanaged to find me (Gm + weighted dice = bad) and then I justdissapeared along with the critter. After the session the Gm informedme that indeed I was dead.... again.... and I was unrecoverablebecause there was no corpse so I should make up a new char.
6th char- Not the mad ( sorcerer 5/alienist 4) He was a creative char.I rolled really poor with him except for one stat. 10/11/10/7/13/18. Iput the 18 into charisma (duh cause he is a sorcerer) what else couldI have done with those stats short of re-rolling em because the gmsaid it wasn't an option. He was pretty cool though nice personalityand cool conjuring skills. all 7 of us ranging from lv 9-11 decided toattack a lv 16 drow wizard. (our first mistake) Most of us were in aline (our seccond mistake) at the door waiting to get in (Not me Ilearned my leason with the lightning bolt)we silenced the room, thehalf orc barbarian (what else is a half orc supposed to be) raged(duh) and bull rushed the a-hoe with his great sword, the stone giantchar ran in and flanked. I summoned a pseudo dire ape (summon monsterIV augmented with alienist) which appeared beside the wizard in thenext round and took a chunk out of him. The wizard ran out of thesilenced zone and pulled out a wand. The half orc ran after him topull him back in to the silenced zone. He had to grapple him to do it(involking an attack of an opportunity) The wizard used the wand tocast forked lightning. This brough the half orc from 90hp down to 18.The half orc however still managed to grapple mr. wizzard. the stonegiant ran it and dissarmed the wand. I ran in to the silenced zone andcast a silenced magic missile which would have gotten passed his spellresistance had he not teleported away. We began looting his chambers.I was in the library (duh) when brand saw that my miniature was stillin the main room. (because combat had finished, what am i supposed todo? move it every freeking place I go? sheesh!) and he asked me toroll for a spot and a listen check. I argued that I wasn't in the roomhe thought I was cause I had been busy looting. The guy who messed meup with the dragon by informing the gm how strong he was then saidthat the characters had already finished clearing that room and wereon to the next one and I wouldn't have stayed in the next room.(thanks!) I reluctantly agreed. I passed the spot check. (go figure) Isaw the wizard had returned to engage us again and he was looking atme. Now I assumed that the majority of spells would require a visabletarget in order to cast so I immediatly went invisable. I wasmistaken, Lightning bolt only needs a general area to cast. And so Idied yet again from a damn lightning bolt. (for those who care{if youmanaged to get this far I imagine you do care} my char had 25 hp maxand took 81 points of damage) Apparently the gm said that all that wasleft was a pile of ash and a chared outline of me on the wall. Therest of the combat went like that for most of the other people toothough. The other wizard in our party died from lightning too. Thecleric got struck with the lightning bolt that hit the other wizardand took massive damage too but luckly he had electricle resistancewhich took 30 damage off the total. This brought him to 0 so he thenspent the rest of the time that I was attending, casting healingspells on himself. I then rolled up some numbers for a new character,gave up, and left.
The new numbers I rolled were unplayable1st attempt 8/8/14/7/15/72nd attempt 11/10/10/16/9/83rd attempt 12/9/8/10/7/13/
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Computer! End log.
Posted by drew at October 24, 2003 11:33 PM

Defenition of Sucky 2 -a new hope

*****DEFENITION OF SUCKY 2 -a new hope****Two weeks have passed again and the inevitable happened...I died. Iknow that writing about continual character deaths can seem a bitwhiney, but instead it must be seen more as compiling a list of thingsnot to do. So in this spirit I must continue. Ahem.. "DEFENITION OFSUCKY 2 -a new hope"
*NOTE: please forgive me, I have no spell checker and hate revising.Ye be warned*
As you recall with the previous character, "Not the Mad", the partyhad attacked a 16th level wizard (when I say attacked I really mean"to involk the wrath of").My character died requireing me to roll up a new one to continue thecampain. After the party had fled from the underdark they were in thelong process of resurrecting party members and generally regrouping tomake another assault while in the future avoiding any contact with16th level wizards. Gazgrim the Half-Orc barbarian and Gronk a stonegiant fighter (what a pair they make) were busy cutting down trees forsome reason. When suddenly they heard a sound. My new character heardthis sound aswell and charged into the forest towards the noise.Gazgrim and Gronk were caught in shock as a Gigantic beastie with 10arms with 10 swords, consequently 10 attacks, appeared infront of themwith a poof of highly dramatic smoke (pause for gasps and screems) "Mymaster sends me with greetings and a message" it said as it grinedwickedly. Meanwhile My new character (to be deatailed in 30 words)charged through completely buck naked in all his majesty. "Don'tworry, I'll protect you!" The naked guy said, and charged the ghastlymonster without wielding any weapons himself.You see, My character is a monk. I had shown up on Thursday withpre-rolled stats and the idea of being a monk. I was told to fill thecharacter sheet up to an 8th level char but when I got there I wasinformed by the Gm and one of the players that they had beendiscussing possibilities of giving me a break. They had decided thatas long as I agreed to enter the game with no equipment what so everthat I could be 9th level instead of 8th. I smirked slightly thoughenough for them to ask "what?" I proceeded to tell them that I haddecided to be a monk and so had no use for any equipment at all andwould gladly accept their proposal. This in turn recieved groans androlled eyes as a responce.7th char- Yune Chow Wah of the Old order. (9th level Nudie Monk) Thischar had pretty good stats, and I know what your saying..."How couldit have good stats considering that its your character?" "Well," I say"these good stats were graciously rolled by my fiance who had managedin the past to randomly roll up maxed stats for every stat on onecharacter." Being a monk he then had an unarmored AC of 19 (20 ifusing dodge) and many feats for unarmed attacks and grappling. Anyway,on to the story.This strangely naked guy ran up to this monstrosity and attacked. Irolled a 19 (Wow) +8 attack bonus = 27. So the monk channeled all hisenergy into this one attack and threw his most powerful punch andstruck the beastie with all he was worth....a resounding "piff" soundcould be heared as the blow connected, for as fist hit flesh, fistbouced off flesh and did no damage what so ever. Now, I'm not one tobe a spoiled sport but in this case I decided to take my balls and gohome. Thats right, I put all the combined knowledge of my previouscharacters into play and booked it. What else could I have done? Onlyrolling a 20 would have hit and for me thats, well, still a 1 in 20chance. But, if you believe in luck, mojo, or karma then the chance isworse for me, I swear. So my movement rate is 60 because i'm a monkand I'm hightailing it out of combat when the monster summoned anotherone of itself directly in my path. I would have peed my pants had Ibeen wearing any and did a quadruple move in the oposit directiontowards town. I broke through the forest out into the town and shoutedfor any able body men to follow me into the forest. A smirk and achuckle later I added, "Some people are under attack in there by ademon.... REALLY!" So back through the forest I ran with anyone crazyenough to follow a naked guy into the forest muttering something aboutattacking a demon with 10 arms each wielding a sword. (are there suchpeople?) When I broke through the clearing I saw that the monsterapparently had been defeated or had dissapeared. (more likelydissapeared because how could it have been destroyed if I theMAGNIFICENT NUDIE MONK had been unable to harm it.) We enchagedpleasentries and the generous half-orc offered to make me a loin clothout of some pelts he could round up (squirrels) I said sure noproblem. "Jus watch yer self" He said, "For dose tings I 'ear ave anafinity to bite nuts. Huh. Huh. Huh." After this, (another quiteamusing intro to the group. I like em, can ya tell?) The newly formedparty, now looks more like a freek show than any kind of organizedgroup. Half-orc, stone giant, naked guy, 2 elves, a priest of Kossoth(human but still strange), and some odd Underdark critter with no nosethat hunts mind flayers. We decide to go back to the Underdark. (Wejust don't learn) While there, we were confronted by a lesser wizardwho claimed he was the apprentice of the Archwizard who had graciouslyalowed some of the party to survive. he said that all the apprenticeswant the Archwizard dead and so gave us the password to get past allthe warning spells that would aleart the wizard to our comming. Notknowing what it was like to be killed twice by the same guy we agreedto attack the 16th level wizard again. (probably 17th now because ofthe exp he got for whoopin us) So we spend the evening memorizingspells that would aid us in the comming battle. The next day we passall the warning spells and reach the corridor before the mages room.We cast all our spells to beef ourself up. I now have an AC of 25 (26with dodge) and I'm silenced so that I can grapple him and disable hisspell casting abilities (you know the ones without the silenced spellfeat that he has) We burst open the door to his throne roomdramatically and charged in for the attack. We were confronted with abarrage of zip, nada, bumpkis. He wasn't there. Poo. But wait.... thedoor to the left was left slightly ajar. (ignoring the ajar joke) wecrept cautiously, forgetting about the silence cast around me, andentered the room. The wizard was lying asleep in his bed. The firstplan was for me to jump on him and grapple while the others pummledhim. But, we had a better and yet somehow worse idea. Why not justCoup de Gras him? Lop his f-ing head off. *cackle* So, Gronk walked upcautiously, looked away and winced, and broght his axe down cleanlyseparating the wizards head from his body. NO! It couldn't have beenthat easy! We chopped him up and burned the corpse, all the whilestill fearing that the wizard had parhaps switched bodies somehow orcould strike at us somehow beyond the grave. The moral of the storywithin the story is... How do you kill a 16th or parhaps 17th levelwizard? Silenced and in his sleep like the cowards that you are. Now,I said that it was both a good and a bad idea. Good -he's dead / Bad-his exp worth is 0 because he was asleep. So we continue on into theUnderdark. A few Drow here, some undead wierdos there, and we end uptraveling down a tunnel. I was following the rule "Be niether first,nor last." which left me in the middle. We heard a rumbling. Well...They heard a rumbling I was contemplating the quality of my squirrelpelt loin cloth apparently. Suddenly a Gargantuin purple worm burstthrough the tunnel wall and attacked. Who it attacked was not the gm'sfault. He rolled randomly and the gods of luck decided to put the wormdirectly next to me. (its always good to know who to blame so that youdick punch the right person) The worm attacked me, Brand asked if a 36hit me. I said no but crumpled under the the scary glare of the Gm, (ibelieve its a gaze attack as a special ability given under theirprestiege class) I said "Well, I have an AC of 19. 20 if I dodged. CanI dodge?" Brand said, "Ok so you take 20 points of damage, And... rolla grapple check" I rolled and just as I was about to look at thenumber Brand said "Can you beat a 48?" Hmm, lets see shall we. Irolled an 2 (duh) BUT I have +8 to my grapple roll. Now I haven't beenin a math class in several years but I still think that my combinedroll of 14 is a bit shy of 48. The worm proceeded to eat me. Brandreassured me that I wasn't dead, I was just inside the gut of a worm.Kinda like Bobafet and didn't he escape somehow in the books? So I hadhope, 2 rounds of hope, but it was there. All the other people wereattacking it and doing massive damage, till it reached the worms turnagain. Brand said, "You take another.... 20 points of damage." I'm ok.Got 6hp left but I'm ok. Got one round of hope left. People werehacking away at it. Some other people who were the round before hadpulled out daggers and were trying to open up their own way out of theworm. I, having no dagger or equipment of any kind, still attemptedvaliently to punch the innards of the worm. Wow! rolled a natural 20,a threat. Crossed fingers turns out to be a jinx by the way, becausemy next roll was a 1. Well, at least it was a hit. And I did awhopping 4 (rolled a 2+2) points of damage to boot. The other peopleoutside continued to do damage, a melfs acid arrow here, lightiningbold there, and a couple of regular ass kickings. Then came the worm'sturn again. Brand said, "Ok now take...18 points of crushing damageand 2 points of acid damage. I don't think I could have stretched my6hp enough to cover that much hurt so I gave up the ghost and becameworm food. (I had asked if a really dirty naked monk would have madethe worm sick enough to throw me up, He chuckled and said no. Ian (thespirit of Gazgrim) said nice try but the acid would sterilize you.)Dying wasn't bad this time but the kicker came next after the wormdelt damage to those inside. The worm took a 5ft shuffle, over exerteditself causing it to take 1hp of damage, and died. No Freekin way! Ishit you not. 1hp. I said well... look at the time. I have to getgoing, I went downstairs and told my fiance that it was time to go.She said "why so early?" "I died again as I told you I would earlier"I said. She, being the compassionate person she is (and cute) said"Poor Drew" in that tone that makes everything alright. Then she said"We can leave in about 15 minutes I want to finish watching my show."(figures) I looked up at the TV and saw that the girls were watchingsome strange show about bras etc. A quick turn of the heel, a coupleof stairs, and I back up in the gaming room talking with the guys.Becca came up the stairs later, once her show was done, and said "He(Brand) should really see the rant." (meaning my small note aboutthings that suck) "No, its ok." I said (which translates from Drewspeak as "Oh for the love of God no" or alternitivly "For the sake ofall that is holy I beg of you to say nothing" either would do) Therant was the likes of which that was meant to be a joke sent to afriend who is also a Gm (and a good one I hear) that I told I washaving bad luck to. Hence, contained endeering terms towards the Gmsuch as "the Gm of antifun" and "Mr. Crappy pants" I wasn't sure howhe would take them and was nervous. But, Becca, the wonderful personthat she is, gave him the URL of the "rant" and he proceeded to readit aloud. The story seemed to involk laughter all around. I figuredthey all had a really good sense of humour but sometimes you can neverreally tell. Ian (Gazgrim) said "In light of the rant I think thatDrew should come in as level 10 instead of level 9" They all agreed.From this reaction I assumed they liked it and took it as it wasmeant. (I was still alive at least -another good sign.) Well all'swell that ends well I suppose or alternitivly, bitch and ye shallrecieve. Just kidding. In either case that still leaves me with theneed of rolling up a new char. I'm not sure what I should be next.Parhaps I have experienced enough character classes to invent my ownclass. Nah, I probably would have a desire to make something thatwould unbalance the game unacceptably for the other characters (Iwould be perfectly comfortable gaining +4 to each stat per level andgod like powers. Hey parhaps I should Gm). Parhaps I could make acharacter based upon me, Cleric 3/Mage 3/Figher 4 or some such thing.
But that is a decision that doesn't have to be made right now. Later,you know, when I'm not pissing my time away on the internet.
Posted by drew at November 7, 2003 01:31 AM